


burning of the midnight lamp

by wolfchester



Series: love song for no one [3]
Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: F/M, and totally NOT girly diary stuff, clint just wants kate to come home, it involves a lot of man pain, this is the letter bobbi told clint to write to kate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 12:21:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1778947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfchester/pseuds/wolfchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s like frickin’ 4 o’clock in the morning and he’s sitting up with four bottles of beer, paper and a pen, trying to write an apology letter to a girl he didn’t even know he cared about.</p><p> </p><p>(in which i pretend it was kate clint was writing the letter to instead of jess in hawkeye #13)</p>
            </blockquote>





	burning of the midnight lamp

**Author's Note:**

> (part 3 of the ‘love song for no one’ series)
> 
> lyrics are from angus and julia stone's "paper aeroplane".

* * *

 

  _I spilled the ink across the land_

_Trying to spell your name_

_Up and down there it goes_

_Paper aeroplane_

_It hasn’t flown the seven seas to you_

_But it’s on its way_

_It goes through the hands_

_Then to someone else_

_To find you girl_

 

* * *

Dear Katie,

 

Bobbi says that I've been acting like a pathetic little shit more than usual these days. She reckons it's because you're gone, and I don't know, maybe she's right. She also said that maybe I should write you a letter. So, here I am. I feel like a huge dumbass, like I'm a twelve-year-old girl or something. Like this is some "Dear Diary" shit. It's not. I _swear_ it's not. This is a _manly_ letter about _manly_ feelings.

I don't know. Maybe you won't ever get this. Or read it. It's whatever. Maybe it's better that you never read this because then what will I do if it doesn't work out?

Okay, I'm just going to get out with it.

You've only been gone two months, but I kind of miss you. A lot.

Yesterday I found Lucky's collar underneath the couch, alongside one of your mismatched purple socks. Not knowing when either of you are coming back kind of sucks.

It sucks the most when you weren't there to watch the finale of 'Dog Cops' with me--I don't wanna give you any spoilers, but let's just say I shed a tear at the very end. And it sucks when I gotta go bust some bad guys with the other Avengers and you're not there, and Tommy keeps calling me and asking me when you're getting back, and I have to keep telling him, " _Goddamn it, Shepherd, you know about as much as I do."_

Bobbi's taken to stitching me up after missions when I can't do it myself, and I appreciate her help, I really do. But her hands are too rough with the needle and the stitches never look as good as when you do them. She doesn't make me coffee like you do, either, because apparently I'm _"a grown-ass man who can make his own damn coffee!"_ Whenever I complain about it, though, she just raises her eyebrow and says: _"I ain't your wife anymore, Barton."_ One time I swear she added under her breath: _"Or Kate Bishop."_ But she was mumbling and I can't be sure.

I'm sorry that I always screw shit up. Jess says it's my superpower. I'm sorry that I keep dragging you through the mud with me. I'm sorry that I don't know a good thing when I've got it. I'm sorry that I didn't run after you when you left.

Remember when I said I didn't want to sleep with you? So, maybe that was kind of a lie. You're my best frickin' friend, Katie, and you're also my partner and my Hawkeye and my almost-Avenger, and you're the girl who said "Suck it, Domitian" and shot four arrows at once through two guys' eyes, and you let me put my feet on the table and use up the hot water in the shower, and you took my dog with you to Los Angeles and you're not even my _girlfriend_. (The scary part is that sometimes I wish you were.)

 _Goddamn_ it, Katie. I don't know what's happening to me. I shouldn't be saying these things, I know, because I'm a screw up who's flatmate is a dog that lives on pizza crusts and I have too many problems to handle, and sometimes I don't always hit the target, and you're so goddamn perfect that I don't know what to do with myself. And I don't want to hurt you, and I should let you go, because an old wise dude once said that if you love someone, you should let them go, and then if they love you too, they'll always come back in the end - like a boomerang or some shit, I don't know.

I guess what I'm saying is that I want you to come home, Katie-Kate. Come home. I miss you.

 

~~Love~~

From, Clint.

P.S. Don't tell Bobbi that she's a terrible nurse because then she'll probably never help me again.

P.P.S. Tony tracked your address down (you're living in a trailer? _Really_ , rich girl?) and gave it to me so yeah that's how I got your address. Yeah. I didn't, like, stalk you or anything. That was Tony. Yeah.

 

**end**


End file.
